I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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