Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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