he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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