just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
