i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
