mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
