so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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