Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
