Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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