So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
