I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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