Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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