u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
