so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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