I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
