Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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