At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
