I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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