Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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