chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dignity is for republicans.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
