I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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