What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
