areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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