i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
