I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
