you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
