I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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