so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
