Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
