So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize