I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
