batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
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