It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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