Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
