mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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