Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
