haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
