Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
