just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
