He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
