She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
