dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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