I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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