i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
