You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She's the barista slut.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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