I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This baby is an asshole
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
