a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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