Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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