Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
