she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
