I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How does one acquire holy water?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize