im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
