It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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