..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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