Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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