My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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