No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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