she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
