you have to choose: penises or morals?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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