When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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