Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so let's talk penis.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
