According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
