I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
