We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
