Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
