Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
