No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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