is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
