I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
