I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
