he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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