I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
