Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
did i just pee glitter
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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