I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
