There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
