i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
