Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
