I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
