we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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